Quote

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." - Marilyn Monroe

Vain

Taken while waiting for Nic to pick me up for the hitz invasion party.

It was dead btw.

So you didn't miss much.

The only highlight of the night was the performance by Mizz Nina.

Quote

Before you can grow up, you must fall in love three times. Once, you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more. Once you must fall in love with someone you believe is perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as anything less than you deserve. And once, you must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be. And when you’re through with all that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that needed you the most. But most of all, you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved.

Meet The Chirons!

Life in IMU with them batch mates so far.

To students

You will remember some of what you hear, much of what you read, more of what you see and almost all of what you experience and understand fully.

Day 4

Day 01: A picture of yourself with 10 facts.

Day 02: A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest.
Day 03: A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
Day 04: A picture of your favourite night.
Day 05: A picture of your favourite memory.
Day 06: A picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day.
Day 07: A picture of your most treasured item.
Day 08: A picture that makes you laugh.
Day 09: A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.
Day 10: A picture of the person you do the most crazy things with.
Day 11: A picture of something you hate.
Day 12: A picture of something you love.
Day 13: A picture of your favorite band or artist.
Day 14: A picture of something you could never imagine your life without.
Day 15: A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day 16: A picture of someone who inspires you.
Day 17: A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.
Day 18: A picture of your biggest insecurity.
Day 19: A picture and a letter.
Day 20: A picture of somewhere you’d love to travel.
Day 21: A picture of something you wish you could forget.
Day 22: A picture of something you wish you were better at.
Day 23: A picture of your favorite book.
Day 24: A picture of something you wish you could change.
Day 25: A picture of your favorite day.
Day 26: A picture of something that means a lot to you.
Day 27: A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day 28: A picture of something you’re afraid of.
Day 29: A picture that can always make you smile.
Day 30: A picture of someone you miss.

18/2/2012!

@ Vertigo Club, The Garden's.

Hello KL

So last friday was literally my first night out in kl. It just so happens that Jeshi and Cat visited Anna for the weekends. Anna called me over to her place for dinner and we made pasta together! So after dinner, Jeshi wanted to go out. And considering the fact that I haven't really went out around KL I jumped in the offer. Cat was in too. So we decided to check out Facebook for clubs that was sorta "happening" that day? And we decided to go and check Maison's at Heritage. So we left the apartment with a taxi (note that, that was the first time i took a cab out in kl at night, so i was kinda scared. Haha) around 10 something near 11? And by the time we got there, the place was so dead. And it looked so dodgy! It crept all of us out. AND on top of that! We were lost! We couldn't find Maison's at all! Like wth right?

So we got off the taxi in front of the papa rich outlet there, and walked around finding Maison's. When to avail, we decided to try on this club. Now the funny thing was, there was a signage at the entrance of the club, stating "strictly for 21 years old and above only". Seeing that, i pointed it out and told Jeshi out loud in front of the bouncers "Hey Jeshi! Look! Its 21 years old and above only!" And we didn't go in it in the end because it has some cover charge thing. And Jeshi scolded me for blurting that out. So we continued walking around the ever looking dodgy place again, and finally we found Maison's! We were like 'THANK GOD! FINALLY!' So when we went in, the place was terrible. It was literally empty. With only less than 10 people in it? We immediately walked out. So we decided to try Loft since it's quite a famous place as well. But! We got rejected in our faces! Jeshi was like "Omg that never happened to me before". Thinking back about the night, it was really really really funny. And the story doesn't ends there.

We decided to get a cab and try Mist which is located at Bangsar. But luckily the taxi cab driver was quite good actually. He spoke quite well in English (comparing to all the other taxis that i've got on in KL) and he suggested to us, Changkat! So we walked around and the place was literally filled with people! And cat got winked at by some middle eastern dude! Haha. Jeshi suggested to us to go Reggae's Bar. So we did. Paid 90 bucks for 3 including 3 tequilas for each of us.

So we stayed in Reggae's Bar til it was about to close around 3am! It was some currazeeeyy experience! First was that the 3 of us went to the middle of the dance floor and just danced and danced and danced and less than 20 minutes later, 3 middle eastern dudes kept coming closer. And i don't know about Jeshi but i kept backing away. Til there was seriously no more space to go! He started the conversation. Turns out he's okay but CREEPY. Like seriously creepy. So summary about it? We basically spent the night running up and down getting away from those guys when at the end this malaysian dude saved me! Thank god. Haha. So basically spent the night dancing with him instead with Jeshi and Cat. We also made friends with this Italian dude who's from Rome. We got back feeling partially deaf. But it was definitely an epic experience for a first night out in KL and also for the first time out for clubbing.

By the time we got home was around near 4? and we ended up sleeping around 4 something. I woke up to the noisy racket going on from the unit below of Anna's i think? Some renovation going on. Started the day out late, and Chyna & Sara came over as well! So we all decided to go to Sunway for dinner and that was around 4-5 something. Yea. We had dinner early. We had it at Nando's by the way. It was my first time trying Nando's! Haha. So yeah.

Later on, Elaine Ho met us up. And me, jeshi and elaine decided to go out that night as well. But this time to Vertigo. One of the new clubs in KL. It's with a rooftop view and it's in The Garden's. We got into the guest list and made lots of new friends! I had so much fun that night. I brought my course mate along. Her name's Charis. We basically party and danced the whole night out. But too bad, because the dance floor was seriously seriously packed! It was so hard to breathe and move and dance at your space. Cause there were guys who were like sweating like mad. Haha. I remember pushing that dude away so many times! Haha. I forgot to mention that Joshua & Anyz joined us as well! It was good catching up with them after 4 years? Haha. They were basically our body guards for the last few songs when everyone was seriously drunk and high. Pictures will be up!

So far I would say that, that was one of my favorite night so far for 2012:)

Picture spam!:)

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Thanks to you I got a new thing started Thanks to you I'm finally thinking bout me You know in the end the day to left was just my beginning What doesn't kill you makes you stronger Stand a little taller Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone 

The day before Valentines Day

This would probably be my first Valentines alone. Without someone i actually like to spend it with. Wow, it's been a long long time since this happened. I honestly should say that it's hard for me. It really is. Everything reminds me of him. And i just can't understand how can he treat me this way if he really does love me? I know i can't. But i can, if i don't love him. But if he doesn't love me anymore, why can't he just tell me the truth? Why keep me there and tell me that it's not cause he don't love me but because he can't. And why he doesn't want a relationship is because it doesn't feel the same.

I've dwelled myself so much into this problem that i actually fell sick. And he came to take care of me and even ironed my lab coat. I just don't understand how can he treat me this way. I just need answers.

To those of you asking me whether I've actually started on moving on. Yes of course i did. But every time i'm halfway through the ladder, i'll get distracted and slipped my way and fall down again. It hurts. It really really hurts. I can't look at anybody else. I used to be able to. I guess you can pretty much say that I've been through both sides. This is my first heartbreak.

Sigh.

I'm supposed to be feeling better after letting it all out here. But why does it feels so heavy still? Inside of me? I want to go tumblr and reblog a gazillion quotes and pictures (cause that usually makes me feel better) but i feel bad because i've actually got a medical museum session tomorrow on the subject Anatomy touching on the pectoral girdle and axilla. I'm supposed to be preparing myself but i can't seem to concentrate on whatever that i'll be reading. So i just feel like letting all this shit inside of me out so i can peacefully just move on.

Im really tired of feeling this way. It feels and looks as if i'm the only one who's suffering miserably from this. He's been socializing (yeah and most of them are girls) drinking, out till late at night? and talk and tweet about his music and nothing else like it just doesn't fucking get to him at all.

Most of the time in school, these days, i feel numb. And when i'm back home, i'll be sad again. Honestly i'm tired. And i just want it to stop. I don't want to feel this way anymore. Cause it seems like I'm the only one who's feeling this way anyways.

I guess i have to say goodbye to the guy i once knew, who he once was, who he used to be. Who i fell in love with. Who taught me things that ill be grateful to him for teaching me that and making me a better person today. It's disappointing how that guy is no longer there. He changed. And turned himself into this .. stranger. I don't know Jonathan Wong Ketshin anymore. It's like in Titanic, where Rose had to let go of Jake's grip on the door in the middle of the sea. He's no longer there. Internally i mean. His soul more specifically. (Well duh that was cause he died) Yeah but metaphorically speaking you know? I don't think i'll able to forget him. I don't think i will. But i have to let go. Or else i'm gonna be pulled down to the sea with him, and i'll drown and die. But i'm still alive. Why must i die now? I've got so much ahead of me that god has made better plans for me.

Like the saying goes sometimes, you got to let the good things go to make space so that better things could fall in place. I'll probably never get the answer i'm looking for. But maybe it's best to not know. But because of this also, i found true friends:) friends who cares for me and looks out for me and lends a hand every time i fall off that ladder. Some gives me encouragement, others helps me aid my wound. Some helps me to not think about the pain while some just be there and listened to me cry.

Thank you you guys (you know who you are) for being there for me. I'm entirely grateful to have you as my friend:)

And to the Jonathan i used to know (although technically you're still the same body, but no longer the same soul), it's sad to see how you've turned into a complete stranger. And that honestly, i never planned in losing you this way or at this time. I'll never forget us and the moments we had together. Thank you for making me the a better person today than i was before. I hope you'll find your way back home again. If you're ever reading this note that is. (It's like he got lost in the woods, for so long and no one was able to find him or even if he's dead, his body. So chances are that he might still be alive) But if you come home to find me gone, i'm sorry for not being able to stand and wait for you and let all sorts of thoughts come into my head. I don't know if whatever you said to me, (for instance, that you love me. and this is about your parents and nothing else) is true. I just really hope it is. Cause if it's not, then i just hope you die and rot in hell with that bitch you're with or is into. I really do hope this has nothing to do with that whore who landed her cheap lips on your skin while being drunk. Like hello? Its either she's pretending to be drunk or she's just .... cheap. I'm sorry bitch. I just can't tolerate your cheap attitude on clubbing and socializing. But even if you chose her or something, just so you know, your level of taste and choice deteriorated. Tsk tsk.

That's all i can say to you. I have nothing else to say. I'll definitely be damn sure about making my life better from now on. I've grieved on your lost long enough. It's time to stop and start living. Bye Jonathan, I'm sorry for all the hurt and pain i caused you before. And that whatever i felt for you was real. It wasn't fake the whole time. Thank you for everything. The person you were now only lives in my memory.

Goodbye.

Motto of life

I think I need to start living my life by the quote "dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today". Because no matter how much I seize the day, it doesn't feel enough. At least if I think I'll die today, it pushes me out to my limits and in the end I'll soar high above the clouds like a beautiful bird finally free:)

I hate twirls.

I hate seeing a guy carrying a girl like this. Cause you were the only one

who did that to me. It reminded me of how you'd carry me along the stairs in school when no one was around. And how you would twirl me around up at the 4th floor after classes or piggy back me at the beach and hotel and around school. When there was still an 'us'

Fuck you.

Time to stop and think and think real hard

I've been asking myself again and again why am I willing to go through with this? Why is he treating me this way and why are we not seeing the big picture at the same level and angle. I see it differently and he sees it differently.

What is the lesson behind this and what is it that I'll come out with at the end of the day? Or is this some obstacle to test us whether we can really work together or not.

I think my mistake was to fall in love deeper when I thought I was gonna leave you for uk. Or that I realized how badly I treated you before that. I wanted to start over. I should've never fall for your words. But then how can I? That's my weakness for you. Cause that was what reminded me of us. On how we got together and how we got close to each other. It's sad thinking about then and thinking about now. And how far have we gone.

It really is a sad story, that I just can't seem to get over yet.

Again and again

I've let you go and you brought me back. You told me you're a mess without me and you wanted us again. And last night you told me we can't be together? What the heck is going on la? I seriously can't take this anymore. Do you seriously enjoy stabbing my heart multiple times? I quietly wish you'd die or broke a leg or hand or even didn't make it to fulfill your dreams in becoming an internationally recognized musician or something. What you did to me is unforgivable. And inhuman! Have you not consider or thought that i've feelings myself? Without realizing, you really did change. And this is so disappointing. I thought we could probably last til 3-4 years? Heck we didn't even make it to 2 years. You told me whenever you think of me when we're together you want to go all out, how can you even go all out when all you think was about the future and not the present? I seriously still can't believe this. 

I guess i just don't see it the way you to. I don't see in marrying you. I just see our relationship, and if it works til the end then it will if it doesn't then it won't but that is only when we're both ready to let go. Obviously we're not ready to let go. SO WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS???? In all my past relationships, when i decide to let go, i wouldn't turn back. I'd be sure that that is the thing i want most at the time. Because i wouldn't want to regret it. But this? This isn't what i want. And it depends on you on how badly you want us and how deep you really love me. 

It looks like I'm the one who loves you more than you really do love me.

1 week

Yes as promised! Here's my 1 week post of being a uni student. This may sound so old and long past since most of my friends from my batch in IS has already started uni last year. Where as for my course, intake is only once a year and it falls on february! Kinda suck to just rot and waste my life for what seems like forever. Oh forgot to wish you all a happy february! and chap goh mei. i'm not sure if it's today or what but i think it should be soon? haha.

Without further a due, i'd post up pictures!:D

first dinner at the apartment with jonathan and anna.

My first day of school outfit. I didn't know what to expect so hence the very black and white attire.

Notice the low quality of light cause this was taken at 7.45 in the morning.

my messy apartment. those are ALL my landlady's stuffs.

I actually cleaned, rearranged the house with anna. Moped and clean it too.

2nd dinner with anna

fireworks right outside my window:D

2nd day outfit

pink mania

again view from the balcony of the apartment

first domino pizza and my home made salad with anna:)

moo yogurt at gardens with jonathan and anna:)

anna's first time making chicken and my first time making porridge with the slow cooker. haha

I needed the porridge cause i think i was down with a minor food poisoning. i suspect it was from the bbq chicken at the gardens food hall. been spending the first week of orientation buying things for the apartment. and also trying to adjust myself to my schedule and etc. Been making new friends too. But it's just been a week and i'm bored of being here already. 

BUT!!!! The good thing is that i just found out that LMFAO's coming to kl!!! They're performing at sunway and hell yeah i'm going!!! I wanna go. Though it's gonna be on a school night :/ would need to arrange on transportation and also just in case, a place to crash:/ and how to get back to class the next day because i can't afford to fail at all! :S and by then classes would start. Gahhhh.

So yeah. Basically that's what's been happening. I'll post more pictures up from kl during the trip with my family later on cause this post is specifically dedicated for uni life!:D

Till then!