Something I Can Relate To.

Quote

But cynics always assume the worst, and I guess I was the biggest cynic of them all. Because, at that moment, I realized why I distrusted liddy on principle. I was afraid that maybe someone like liddy had to exist in the universe in order to balance someone like me. A woman who couldn't do anything wrong surely canceled out a guy who never did anything right.

Together we were two halves of a whole.

I knew then why Reid had fallen for her. Not in spite of the fact that she was so sheltered but because of it. He would be there for all these firsts. Her first bank account, her fist sexual encounter, her first job. I'd never been someone's first anything, unless you counted mistake.

Stages in a relationship

Relationships have stages

STAGE 1 (1-3 Months): The Honeymoon Stage

Everything seems perfect, both are happy and feeling “in love.” You share moments, dates and just having fun with each other, sharing laughs and giggles. It’s like nothing could stop you. Your feelings are infinite, and for once you’re thinking, “This may work out….” and it seems like nothing could go wrong. You spend hours getting ready before going out with this person.

*If your relationship ended in this stage — Most likely, both rushed into the relationship too quickly. Being together was all too sudden and just for the moment. When one starts noticing the flaws, one gets a choice to move foward, or  back away. Being friends has a high percentage of working out, but nothing to stress over. Both may just need the time to get to know one another better.

STAGE 2 (4-6 months): The Bumpy Road
Things are going okay now. The relationship is calm and settled; both are still mostly happy. Had a couple arguments and disagreements here and there, nothing huge. Start to notice some of each other’s flaws and aspects of their personalities not seen before, but still truly care for one another. 

*If your relationship ended in this stage — You truly cared about this person. You had the energy to fight for this person, yet you feel as if something was lacking, something was missing. It doesn’t feel right, one isn’t happy. When one isn’t happy, one tends to walk away to seek their new happiness. Being friends is still a possibility.

STAGE 3 (7-12 months): The Rocky Mountain
You start to realize who your partner really is. A few more arguments may occur. Problems with jealously, overprotectiveness may arise. Other people may come in the picture. The “in love” moments start to decrease, but you feel as if you’ve “fallen in love.” You tend to have this energy inside to strive and “make it work,” and you feel more comfortable being around this person, feeling more of yourself. 

*If your relationship ends in this stage — You feel as if you’re hurt, depending on the circumstances. You were so sure that that person was “The One.” You were so SURE that he/she was different. But like a cancer, a problem that may have happened, a small issue, grew into something larger that took over what was made between two people. You still miss this person from time to time. You still remember the memories. Being friends may be difficult right away, but over time, you slowly mature up, and learn the reality of it.

STAGE 4 (1 year or more): The Long Road
1, 2, 3, 4, 5 years, huh? This person truly means something to you. You are “in love” with this person. He/she made a difference in your life. No one else knows you more than this person. You guys have been through the good, the bad, and the ugly, and still strive to make it last.

*If your relationship ends in this stage — You feel heartbroken; it’s tough. You can’t sleep, can’t eat, you miss him/her, you try to move on, you try meeting new people, but seems like nothing works. For whatever reason the split occured, it must’ve been something important, or something must have been so wrong that it took over. Being “just friends” is impossible, because if you tried to be friends, you wouldn’t be able to think of them in any other way besides the one you once “loved.”

OMG!!!! The long road's (if your relationship ends in this stage) was exactly how i felt the past two days. So far, i've come up with two solutions. I need to find more alternatives. 

If you are not the one.

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?


I never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope that you're the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my husband?

I don't know life so far away
But I know that its just a trip
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I'm praying you're the one I've build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side.

You can stop law, but you can't stop love.

I've been thinking a lot the past two days. I tried finding every way out, every route to save our relationship. But everywhere i see, is a dead end. There simply isn't much that can be done once parents and religion comes into the picture. I'd love to tell you the whole story here but i prefer to tell you up personally if you'd like to know. And in case you haven't noticed, my blog's up private. So by the time you read this would be probably somewhere around 2012. That is if i do open it up to public again sometime in the nearest future.

Last night, he was up at de notes again for the whole de notes student concert thing that's happening this weekend. And he told his teacher about how he suddenly got kissed in the club by this girl (sorry but i would say she's a stupid bitch who clearly has no self control of herself and body. How cheap can someone gets? I'd have to say, that getting drunk? Is just another excuse for you to set your horny little self out free) And his teacher was like, "Oh damn! And so are you guys still together?" And you know what Jon said? He said, yes.

We both can't bring each other to say that we've broken up. Cause clearly we haven't. So we talked this morning till 3 something? I mean what kind of people who broke up but loves each other still calls each other hubby and sayang and doesn't admit to people that they've broken up? Yeah sure i know we can't have a future together but that can't just deliberately stop me from loving him now, can it?

I've come to accept the fact that i can't have him as my husband. But i'd wanna make us the best i could, when i actually still have the chance. It isn't fair for you to just leave me all of a sudden without actually asking me or talk to me about it. Aren't we supposed to decide that together?

I've learnt to deal things maturely and I try to be strong as strong as i can be. But i still love you so much. What happened on Monday, was a blur, a shock and a mess. It wasn't right to announce just like that anyways that we broke up. Because recalling back, he did not say it to my face, and i couldn't even think properly heck even think what is really happening. It was just so overwhelming. So sudden.

I can't deny i saw this one coming a few times but i never thought that it'd be this bad. It's like a forbidden love story. And one of us is dying or something like that. I want to love him and have us as much and as long and as far as i can. I wouldn't wanna regret not being nice to him, for having to fight with him over such a small matter. I want to look back and smile about us. Though i can never have you for eternity, I'd settle for having you in a few period of years of my life. You've brought the best out of me. I used to not be able to tell people how i feel, because i'm the kind who keeps it all to herself. I wouldn't want to trouble people with my problem nor i would want people to know about it and then mock me or whatsoever because my imagination is wild.

I can branch out in my brain like a mind map, possibilities and things that could happen from one tiny spark of event.

I want a proper ending for us. So it came to a conclusion that we'll be together till it's time to finally let go after we're able to. We're still so strongly bonded now, and in time i know we'll slowly detach ourselves from each other. No matter how sad it is. But at least in time, it's easier than now. I can't carry on knowing that i still love him and want him so badly with me. I can't have him looking at another girl the same way he did to me just yet. This is how i express myself and let what i'm feeling out. How he deals it is by not thinking about it and keeping himself busy.

He wants this as much as i do. I was mad at him for being cruel and heartless about it for not giving me a chance to say a thing about what he decided for us. I couldn't believe how easily he gave up. But i realized, it's not both our call to say anything about it. So i'm just going to enjoy my moments with him while i still can.

It's like a sad story like i've mentioned earlier? What kind of ending is it when you just cut the story of expecting us to be complete strangers or still linger on to each other calling baby and sayang but have already broken up. Seriously? Wtf is that?

Nigel chin asked me about us last night as well. I couldn't bring myself to say it as well. And so did steffi and gavin. Heck we're not even gonna do anything to our status on facebook! I know that i deserve better than him, and that someone else is out there. But for now, I'd like to spend my days loving this guy who taught me and showed me so many valuable things about myself, about family, about life itself. I finally understood why i met him. It was to learn these things from him, and in the middle of it, i fell in love. And so did he.

I think that so far this is the saddest love story i know. Not to be a brag but it's hopeless in our hands. If it wasn't for his mom, he'd marry me he said. Haha i can never forget that. But darling hubby, you are not mine for keeps. And i've come to accept the fact. But i'd like to love you while i still can.

I can't compare our love story with other people because we are definitely different. Our background, religion, career that we're both pursuing. I've looked at the big picture before, and i have been preparing myself as well. But i just love him you know?

I don't expect any of you to understand what i did and why i did it. I know that it hurts because i am hurting now. And for me to just forget him and cut all ties hurts more. I just wanna spend the rest of my time while i can, to enjoy us and love him. And to have him loving me back as well.

Fuck you

How much i like A thousand years by Christina Perri, it's also the last song that was spent between us together. So it's confirmed. It's official. We've broken up.

It feels weird. I feel empty. I feel the song that suits me most for my situation is, the lonely by christina perri. Seriously.

And honestly? The bitch who kissed my boyfriend that night, you're a whore. Your boyfriend seriously needs to tame you down girl. Don't you know how to mind your lips on other peoples boyfriend? And for that bitch who kept vomiting and keep touching my boyfriend that night on the dance floor, please control your slutty hands.

Wanna get drunk and touch people? Go touch older men you cougar.

I'm sick of feeling this way. I'm tired of thinking of you. Of us, what once used to be.
I couldn't sleep last night. I kept crying. Heck i keep crying every now and then and you know what? It doesn't bothers him at all.

There are simply too many songs that i like that reminds me of you. Fuck you.

I don't know what to do. Im a mess.

The longest text I have sent at 1am

Hi hubby. I love you. I don't want to lose you. You're everything to me. You deserve to be happy as well. What happen to the dreams we once want? Making breakfast together showering together having a family together. Always being there for each other and loving each other till deaths. I'm keeping my promise are you? I'm fighting for us are you not gonna? We deserve a a chance ba. There'll be a way in getting your parents to understand. They would see it and realize. I just can't lose you yet. Not now. I need you. I love you ba okay. I gave you my heart. And to tell you the truth I gave you more than I ever had to anyone before. When we did it in the room. It's magic hubby. It's wonderful. I wanna still feel you and touch you and knowing you'd want me on you too. I wanna smell and kiss you all over whenever I want to sneak a kiss from you. I want us infinite. We are better together not apart. I need you in my life. Please don't do this hubby. I want to call you that forever. I want you in my life permanently. I want to have a family with you. I want us to always be together. I don't care if my dreams are not fulfilled as long as my dream of being with you for eternity does. I need you ba hubby. I want you. I don't want anyone else to have you. I want you to know that I'll be missing you every night and be thinking about you every morning. I want us to fall deeply in love again like nothing in the world matters just us. I want to be able to shop with you and be with you in the dressing room seeing you change and sneak a kiss from you. I want to go over your apartment and shower with you as planned. I want to do things I've never done with you. There are simply too many things I want with you that I can't simply just ignore. I need you in my life. I love you with all my heart. Please don't leave me. I can't live without you. I need you. We need each other. Without us, nothing matters anymore to me. Only you. Knowing there's an us completes me. You make me feel safe. You're my everything. I'm sorry I had problems with my ego but with all those hurtful words I was getting your attention. I never admitted cause I was being egoistic as well. But knowing that I'm losing you makes me drop everything to have you in my life. To have me in your life. To want me the same as I want you. Please give us a chance. Well find a way together to make it work. You once told me that relationship is about building each other together. In everything. I'm sorry I always take and never give. I'm not perfect. But my love for you is as perfect as I can make it be. You used to call me wonderful every night. You would tell me you'd be excited on seeing me the next day and you'll be missing me in your sleep. I want to share monthsaries and anniversary with you. I want every moment we have together to be as special as we are. I'm not letting go of you. I won't. You are mine. Forever and beyond. You hold the key and my heart with you. Don't ever forget that. All the crazy times we had together. The walk we had around my Taman, when you drive and I held your hand when we had breakfast together at sunrise in school. When we had sunset together. When we watched movie together for the first time. When we had our romantic valentine dinner. When you always play my hair. When we get lost going to karambunai. I'm only strong cause I have you. There are so many happy moments so many times that makes me the happiest girl in the world to have you. To call you mine. I don't want that to end hubby.

I don't wanna let you go.

I can't.

Im gonna fight for us.

Untitled

i dont wanna lose him cat
but somehow i can feel like i already am
its like all these while we've been holding hands secretly
and his mom founds out and hes forced to let it go forever

No longer mine

I feel lost. It's so sudden. And i don't deny that i have my doubts. But i love you. And i understand but then i can't lose you. I don't want to. I want to do those stuffs that i told you i want to do with you. I want to be in your future. In your life. I don't want to be strangers. I want how things were before this. I like it. Things were going well! Very well in fact.

I don't know what to do. I feel torn apart. I wanna be strong but at the same time i feel weak. But i don't wanna feel weak. I feel useless. Cause i am indecisive of myself. I think i'm going crazy.

21/11/11

Just like that.

Wow.
And yes 10 days ago, on 11/11/11 was one of the happiest day ever.

How ironic.

Improved layout

As you can see made my fonts darker as well as the cursive handwriting readable! I forgot what fond i used before changing it darker as i was experimenting with all the fonts! Haha so i ended up choosing this one. My bad:/

Anyways, i don't really feel like blogging at the moment. Will update more with photos and stuffs once i have the mood again.

Just kinda feel really lousy now.

(not that i think you'd noticed)

Thousand Years

I love how pretty the video is,

and how nice the song is with the video,

and how pretty the bokeh effects are in the video,

i love everything about it.

Not because its the main soundtrack of Twilight -.-

Current fav song:D

Fishtail

So my sister made my hair for me yesterday afternoon. We were bored so she decided to experiment with my hair. Somehow rather I'm always her guinea pig. Haha well one obvious fact would be cause I'm her only sister! Who am I kidding? Hah! I'm gonna miss those times where she'd actually wanna braid and experiment my hair.

I think the first time we got interested in doing different hair dos was when we bought this saloon Barbie thing which there's this blowing dryer, special one that is, it's able to produce temporary blue dye on the Barbies hair from ice cubes!! I wonder where that dryer went to.

I'll definitely miss those moments. And how we would do each others hair. Haha. Why the heck am I talking as if I'm leaving for uni tomorrow?

I'm half excited half dead half uninterested half happy half sad. Its totally a mix feelings thing.

Fact 7#

I used to think like that as a kid. 

Haha.

formspring.me

Ask me questions about anything!!:D http://www.formspring.me/ivaaishah

Are you on http://gothise.com , similar to facebook but for alternative people ?

?? nope

Ask me anything

What's the worst show on TV?

malaysian dramas! i can't take them. besides that? im not so sure. haven't really been watching shows on tv. haha. mostly downloading my favs from the net! so i spend most of my time dating my comp;)

Ask me anything

Just you.

Why the wedding ring is worn on the 4th finger

Why the wedding ring is worn on the fourth finger:

The Chinese give a beautiful explanation to this.

• The thumb represents your parents.
• The index finger represents your siblings.
• The middle finger represents yourself.
• The ring finger represents your life partner.
• The little finger/pinky represents your children.

Hold your hands together like the picture. Join your middle fingers back-to-back, and the remaining fingers tip-to-tip.

Now, try to separate your thumbs. They will separate because your parents are not destined to live with you forever. Rejoin your thumbs and separate your index fingers. They will separate because your siblings will have their own families and lead their own lives. Rejoin your index fingers and separate your little fingers/pinkies. They will separate because your children will grow up, get married, and settle down. Rejoin your little fingers/pinkies and middle finger and try to separate your ring finger. They will not be able to separate because your life partner is meant to be with you throughout your entire life, through thick and thin.

Diana f+

So I continued trying on my Polaroid camera and here's a picture of my failed attempt. I really need someone to teach me how to use this thing like seriously. I'm on the edge of giving up with this Diana f lomo. Bleh.

Photo

Posted are photos from Labuan. A short trip with my dad and his childhood best friend who is now currently residing in the states. Enjoy!

Lovers of Valdaro

The Lovers of Valdaro.

Believed to be no older than twenty years of age when death occurred.
Over 5,000 years old.
Locked in an eternal embrace.

Tragically, their story is unknown.
Ironically, they were found in the city of Mantua. In Italy.
The city Shakespeare chose to set the story of Romeo & Juliet.

Fact 6#

I am extremely attached to you. You are the love of my life. You are everything I've ever wanted, and everything I've waited for. Sometimes I sit, and think of how life would be if you weren't with me. It terrifies me, so much. I'd never make it without you. Please, don't ever leave me. You are my heart and soul. Everything upon everything to me. 

Girls

You see, girls like simple, simple turns them on. Keep things simple and you will see things grow. The moment you try to be impressive or show off, is the moment you make yourself look bad. Mature girls, girls who know what they want, don’t want somebody who is fabricated or one who tries too hard, they want someone real. It doesn’t mean you will be perfect, granted sometimes the both of you may think other people are cute, but that shouldn’t phase you, because every time you see someone cute, you should be reminded on how cuter your love is. Remind yourself that they’re the person you’re dating, the person you love, the person you rather be with than anybody else. Girls want someone to be honest, and honesty is always the best policy.
They want you to tell them when something’s wrong, they don’t want you to baby them with I love you or with things. They rather see results in your actions then to hear the same words all the time. I believe a girl appreciates a guy who can show her love, a guy who can still hang out with his friends while she hangs out with hers and have no worries. One who can have a social life and still make her number one. I think a girl likes a guy who knows when she needs her space, one who can give her all the attention in the world, but one who knows when to back off. But as well you guys gotta give your girl something to pay attention to, do things with her, make her smile, cuddle with her, do cute things, watch movies with her, stay in with her when she doesn’t go out, etc, etc.
It’s about being yourself and keeping it as simple as possible. If your girl likes to eat, randomly bring her food and girls, if your man likes sports, sit down and watch it with him. Relationships should be open and free, you should have laughs, smiles, funny times, and good moments. You should be able to make fun of each other, and not take it personal. I believe girls don’t mind a guy who will embarrass himself with her, dance with her or do something random you know? Enjoy the laughs and the smile. You don’t have to buy your girlfriend gifts everyday, or every time you see her, it gets old. You gotta keep it different, switch it up. Don’t let it fall into the same routine. Take your girl somewhere she’s been dying to go, but never had the chance to. Be spontaneous but keep it simple, it goes a long way. <3

Class of 2009

Class of 2009 from Iva Aishah on Vimeo.

Something i found in my vimeo account. Reminiscing high school moment!

Enjoy!

Macbook

Anybody know where to get the exact same pattern as this for Macbooks?

Seriously in need of one now:(

Contact me through twitter or email!

Thank you so much!

Dreams.

When i'm officially spending the rest of my life with you next time, 

we'll make breakfast together everyday as promised.

Gossip Girl Quote

They say every road comes to an end. But sometimes the end feels just like the beginning. Even when you think you've a long way, you can suddenly find yourself right back where you started. Because every journey is fraud with twists and turns. And one false step could spell disaster. But no matter what, you still have to stay the course and forge your own path. Because there's no going back now.  And it looks like this one is going to be the ride of our lives.

xoxo,
Gossip girl.

Gossip Girl Quotes

Chuck: I'm not here to apologize for what happened tonight.
Blair: Then what are you here to apologize for?
Chuck: Everything else. 
Chuck: I'm sorry for losing my temper the night you told me Louie proposed to you. I'm sorry for not waiting longer at the Empire State building. I'm sorry for treating you like property. I'm sorry i didn't tell you i love you when i knew i did. Most of all i'm sorry for giving up on us when you never did. 
Blair: Thank you. I hope never giving up on people isn't gonna be my downfall.
Chuck: That's why you're gonna be an amazing mother. You're always there for people you love, even when they don't deserve it. 
Blair: You know that's never gonna change. 
Chuck: It's okay if it has to. 

Sing you home

My current read. Explains all the post on quotes. A habit that I have. And have I ever tell you that Jodi picoults one of my favorite authors?:)

I resolute to finish all the novels I bought before uni starts for me. And have I told you that apparently I'm starting uni earlier than I was told before? The university revised their intake date for my course. How fascinating isn't it? My long breaks cut short. Can you hear the sarcasm? Too bad if you can't.

Have I mentioned how I love updating blogger through my mobile? It's seriously so much easier and less hassle than using the comp where I have to sign in and all that shit.

Back to my reading!:) have a wonderful Saturday ahead! With love.

Quote

We never know people as well as we think we do- including ourselves. I don't believe you can wake up and suddenly be gay. But I do believe you can wake up and realize that you cannot spend the rest of your life without a certain individual.

Quote

In music, perfect pitch is the ability to reproduce a tone without any reference to an external standard. In other words- there's no need to label or name notes, you can just start singing a C sharp, or you can listen to an A and know what it is. You can hear a car horn and know that it is an F.

In life, perfect pitch is the ability to know someone from the inside out, even better maybe than she knows herself.

Hi, this is me most of the time.